Hadouken!

Street Fighter (2026) – 3.5/5

I saw a trailer, thought it was fun, and wanted to go watch the movie before reviews came in to tell me otherwise. Since the most recent Spider-Man, I've been entranced by the idea that the newest metric to judge movies is 'does it surprise me?' With information and opinions and critiques and criticisms so easily and eagerly arrived at, the possibility of just going into something blind and being amazed by the bright lights, to determine in real time what it is or is not, is my new luxury. This was fun!! I find this out mere hours before a cascading series of reviews tells me this movie is bad. Sigh. For me, this movie is the heir apparent to 1995's 'Mortal Kombat'; silly and serious, characters summed up by a name and cool costume, a mix of tortured backgrounds and just living for fun, and a not-quite-a-tournament where most of the cool fighting actually happens to the left and right of it. A childhood id relishing in its toys. I think we'll look back many years from now and see 'Kung Fu Hustle' as the ferryman of a new world of creators. Born on Looney Tunes, now anime, using the tricks of those forms and then just applying it to the real world because why the fuck not. If it exists within the realm of possible, bring it on. I see AI videos these days that delight in the fact that they could not exist in the real world, and I think "this is the new world of entertainment to come." Silly ideas, taken to their extremes, based in the world we know but absolutely not the world we know. Pushing against the walls of familiarity. The point is to see how far you can take it before it breaks. The movie does break; David Dastmalchian is wildly miscast, there's I swear like 5 to 10 minutes that are just straight up missing from the movie, and there's about three or four too many things than it can handle, but it treats the world of play as a serious endeavor, and I can do nothing but appreciate that. 

It's hard to get people excited about concrete, I'm finding.

The History of Concrete — 3/5

Though loving John Wilson, I didn't finish watching the second season of 'How To...'. Towards the end of the series, there's an episode that kind of exposed that there was a certain amount of fakeness involved in the show. It felt like breaking a bond, and I didn't want to keep watching after that. Something seemingly inherent in his style is the random puzzle piecing together of random shots and scenes and rabbiting down a crack in the earth until he/you don't know where he is, and then you somehow pop your head back out of the same hole, ending where you began, some point being made, like magic, out of the random spirals of the universe. The line between 'a trick' and 'I'm tricking you' is speaking the words. The difference between sleight of hand and lying is just saying out loud that it's a lie. Uhhh I guess this is a review of season 2, not his new movie, oops. Uhh anyway, by now I'd forgotten my previous criticisms. Forgetfulness is the best path to forgiveness! Whee! And thus I was excited for this movie! To see if he can do what he does, scaled up, made me feel curious. And the movie then just made me feel tired. It's long! "Let's see where this goes..." works great in 15 to 25m excursions, but dragging it out just made the random cuts that are the hallmark of his work linger longer, drawing too much attention to themselves, which to me is the bellwether that he didn't really have a story, he just had a lot of footage that he needed to make use of. 

We'll get used to it.

The Americans S2 — 2.5/5

You know, lost the plot a bit this season. I am meaning literally, as there were times I was confused as to what the fuck was happening. People pop up and they feel both important and unimportant as they don't really grab me the way that last season's people grabbed me yet are somehow essential to that day's plotting. The central premise of season 1 — a spy falling in love with America and the family they created, while the other still holds onto allegiance to the motherland — became reversed as he became harsher and she became softer, ships passing in the night as they fall in and out of love. I still really like that particular show, but it seemed to get side-swiped by the mysteries of international espionage. And though I didn't love how the season finale wrapped things up, I am excited to see what that means for the family. 

You and I have massively different definitions of the right thing.

Primetime — 2.5/5

What an ugly movie. Aesthetically, I understand its early '00s intentions, but the camera feels like it's been slathered with vaseline; it's oily to the touch. I understand its intentions to feel how it looks but, uh, I hate it? It's the nastier side of the coin to Wes Anderson, which is a ridiculous comparison, but I'll justify it as extreme art direction that does more work than the story. And that story is all over the place. There's three main characters who never rise to the place of main character, three stories that the movie doesn't know how to choose between. The disrespected reporter, the disrespected producer, the disrespected actor, all seeming to circle around the justification and the means, a moral validation that acts like a layer of clear packaging tape to hold together a jumble of character traits that don't quite make a person. Predator is prey to their own self-defense mechanisms. Or something? I dunno, I'm just saying words. When Alex Winter appears, the child predator seems to be the most realistic human we'd met so far. Generally speaking, all of the predators fell into that same schema; they felt like real people caught in the worst moments of their lives. I think I'd have preferred their stories being the focus, or Decoy Dan as their stand-in, but Robert Pattinson is famous and plays the famous guy so he takes the fore and his face just communicates a blankness. I look at the guy generally and see Patrick Bateman, easy charm and beauty. He moves like a man, but just wears that skin like a suit. But I'll wait for 'The Odyssey' to try to peddle my 'is Robert Pattinson actually a bad actor...?' thesis. 

The things that make you better

won't be the things that make you great.

I'm not fearless 'cause I'm brave. I'm fearless 'cause I'm broken.

Lanterns S1 — 3.5/5

In its way, the most Marvel thing that's come from DC. What I mean by that is that there's a lot of this show that does not survive scrutiny — so it's best not to scrutinize. What helps you throw a blind eye to its strange twists that don't quite make sense is that it coasts on the back of gen-u-ine characters. Kyle Chandler's Hal Jordan is someone I could follow forever and Aaron Pierre's John Stewart's uptight rule-follower is a good counter-weight to Hal's rakish behavior. As the show progresses, Hal gains more respectability, and John gains more humor, and it's a nice 'ships in the night' with Kelly Macdonald providing a lovely anchor between them. Damon Lindelof, between 'Lost' and 'Watchmen,' has earned an official 'I will watch whatever they do,' and you can tell there was an ambition of themes they wanted to play with that unfortunately don't really mesh together: what a parent's willing to do for their child, what it means to be fearless, what fear will turn you into, racism??, countering your programming, etc. It's only 8 episodes but feels bloated with 'things happening' and 'things I think the show is trying to be about.' As a show, with a plot, it's (places hand horizontally in front of me, shakes it back and forth), but as a show about characters, hell yeah, brother.

Да.

The Americans S1 — 3.5/5

I'm in my Matthew Rhys era, so sought out his older, also critically-acclaimed show. I have nothing particularly interesting to say other than I find it to be a compelling show and I'm excited to keep watching. Matthew has a 'fakeness' to him, which I think is inherent to his person, that works well in the show. Keri Russell is a far cry from Felicity, but I don't think holds her character's toughness that well. It's unlike her, which I appreciate, but it doesn't yet seem to be a part of her. Let's see where it goes from here. 

Someday you will wish to be

exactly where you are right now.

Are you at peace?

Or have you simply moved away from the things that brought you anxiety?

Flames, on the side of my face.

Clue — 2.5/5

A case study in interesting actors who are mostly muffled by the context they exist in. Tim Curry and Madeline Kahn, when given some freedom, are allowed to shine, but mostly seem to be contained by the plot mechanics of it all. I want to say the director's to blame? It feels like 'hire a bunch of interesting people, but don't let them be themselves.' It's a commitment to the script without the realization that that wasn't working. When Madeline Kahn is allowed her little bit of improv, right at the end, it damns the whole thing — what it could have been. 

What's so bad about being with me?

Obsession — 3/5

I've a working theory that when a movie hits, it's because it's subtly introducing a new idea that people haven't quite seen before. 'Die Hard,' 'Speed,' 'the Matrix,' etc. Action film in a box, constant momentum as plot point, spiritually tech-y VFX, etc. This movie made half a billion dollars and I do not know what is new here. It's an 80s horror + a wish movie. It feels familiar. And so, that leads me to thinking that what is new is simply the classic NBC summer re-run campaign "It's new to you." Every twenty/thirty years or so, we get to just repeat culture for people who did not grow up with it. Marvel got to do that for the Star Wars fans. 'Stranger Things' got to do it for the 'Goonies' fans. If these things had appeared in those times, they would have been seen as good and okay and maybe repetitive rip-offs, better than average but still close to the mean. But it's a new world with new people and there you go. All to say that the massive box office created an expectation in me that there was something more than 'this is fine' here. It's a fun idea that doesn't even feel like its idea is fully explored. It could have been subtler before it went over the top? Though to be fair, Inde Navarrette really is wonderful in the role and I'm excited to see where she goes from here.

I'm aliiiiiive.

House of the Dragon, S3 — 1.5/5

At this point, I'm just watching for the sake of some boring idea of completionism. Much the same problems as S2, and the show only perks up when something approaching "a villain" pops up. And then are dispatched! Goodbye! Look over here at this new character who means nothing. Eh, I've already forgotten my more specific criticisms. It's all blurry edges and when your eyes manage to focus in, you just see all of nothing.

Can I get a kiss?

Love Island USA, S8 — 4/5

At the beginning of this 30-some odd hour excursion, I said often and aloud "this is disgusting." They kiss so aggressively, they're so proud of their promiscuity, they peacock, and a new generation of young attractive types watch it and want to put themselves on display. It was porn without the penetration. As a people, it can only make us worse. These people, the Christofs in the tower, no trace of them ever seen, have created a new torture box designed to traumatize young people. And then, towards the end, this fucking show made me cry! Sigh. What is the use of harsh opinions if I can't hold onto them. This show, through its Stanford experiment fuckery, has created an environment where people grow attached. It's truly hard to say how much of it is real, and what might still exist outside this confinement, but also the sheer amount of time spent with each other, and the weird trials they're put through, have created genuine displays of love and affection and empathy and brooding and narcissism and self-torture on top of the handmade torture they've been provided, and I couldn't stop talking about it for weeks. Through this false fucking facade, this fake weird show, there exists the capacity to reveal something true and real and heartbreaking. I feel like this is just replicating for us the fucking Greek plays where the actors wore the egregious masks. In the opening minutes, the disguise is obvious, how could anyone see beyond them, but then slowly, without realizing it, you forget you're seeing a mask at all. Brinity 4 ever. 

And sometimes Spider-Man has to do the hard thing, even if it breaks Peter Parker's heart.

Spider-Man: Brand New Day — 4/5

I just absolutely loved that, from moment to moment, I had no idea what was going to happen next. Who is this villain? Why are they unfamiliar to me? Is this a comic I never read? It was beautiful feeling, being surprised. And what it opens up for Spider-Man is that it's not, like, Norman Osborne showing up, and you knowing he's going to heel-turn into a colorful villain. A universe has been created, and its curators get to explore it in new, oddball directions, only needing to keep the center pure: Peter Parker is Spider-Man, and he has to carry the weight of love and loss that comes with it. I described the ending of the last movie as "the most Peter Parker-ass thing I've ever seen" and this movie carries that weight throughout. Spider-Man shoulders goodness like it's a thing that can't be put down or he'll lose sight of it. With the ending of 'Endgame' and the loss of the Marvel center, the movie feels like a subtle repositioning of Spider-Man as the moral core to the remaining universe. He swings past 5th avenue and sees Hulk and the Punisher and sure, White Widow, why not, everyone's just a step to the left or right of this guy. And they all love him! And are changed by him! What a wonderful experience, as a Spider-Man fan, to see him in a movie where everyone loves him and is changed by him. There's a trope I kinda hate where someone's not in their right headspace and only that one person who is willing to talk them out of it rather than resorting to violence can save them. (I think that was the ending of Captain America 3? And I guess Thunderbolts?) The only difference is that I actually believe Peter Parker can do it. I think he can make the Hulk feel more human. I absolutely do think Peter Parker can make the Punisher a better person. I think this movie will become a 3.5/5 as surprise wears off; these movies fall apart under scrutiny. (I don't know if that whole spider-puberty thing really did amount to anything?) But they're not really a thing I wish to scrutinize. I fucking love these people, and I've been reading and watching them for thirty years and I could keep reading and watching them for another thirty. I don't say that as 'it's a guilty pleasure, just let me have this,' I say that as a 'please don't tear these movies down and take them away from me.' They're imperfect, but what they get right is that they are, at times, incredible displays of the triumph of goodness that can rarely be matched elsewhere. 

This way it's poetry.

The Commitments — 3/5

This movie has always stuck in my mind, and in Glen Hansard's passing it was pointed out that he starred in this movie, so 1+1 and here I am. First, to why it was stuck in my mind — was this my first realization of foreign movies? I probably saw it as a trailer attached to another movie we rented, and I can imagine thinking "where did this movie come from?" It existed outside of an ecosystem I had become aware of. They've got ~accents.~ Anyway, that's the best guess I can give and it altogether doesn't make for an interesting story, whoops, should have kept that to myself. I think I see why the movie was a success — everyone in it is a character; they feel like they've starred in movies their whole life and would continue to star in movies long after. There is a familiarity to everyone. Looking into it, most everyone here did fuck all before or after this, so then it just becomes a moment in time where a bunch of interesting kindling are tied together. The characters are fun, the music's fun, but it's just a bunch of sparks that fly, no real fire.