Can I get a kiss?

Love Island USA, S8 — 4/5

At the beginning of this 30-some odd hour excursion, I said often and aloud "this is disgusting." They kiss so aggressively, they're so proud of their promiscuity, they peacock, and a new generation of young attractive types watch it and want to put themselves on display. It was porn without the penetration. As a people, it can only make us worse. These people, the Christofs in the tower, no trace of them ever seen, have created a new torture box designed to traumatize young people. And then, towards the end, this fucking show made me cry! Sigh. What is the use of harsh opinions if I can't hold onto them. This show, through its Stanford experiment fuckery, has created an environment where people grow attached. It's truly hard to say how much of it is real, and what might still exist outside this confinement, but also the sheer amount of time spent with each other, and the weird trials they're put through, have created genuine displays of love and affection and empathy and brooding and narcissism and self-torture on top of the handmade torture they've been provided, and I couldn't stop talking about it for weeks. Through this false fucking facade, this fake weird show, there exists the capacity to reveal something true and real and heartbreaking. I feel like this is just replicating for us the fucking Greek plays where the actors wore the egregious masks. In the opening minutes, the disguise is obvious, how could anyone see beyond them, but then slowly, without realizing it, you forget you're seeing a mask at all. Brinity 4 ever. 

And sometimes Spider-Man has to do the hard thing, even if it breaks Peter Parker's heart.

Spider-Man: Brand New Day — 4/5

I just absolutely loved that, from moment to moment, I had no idea what was going to happen next. Who is this villain? Why are they unfamiliar to me? Is this a comic I never read? It was beautiful feeling, being surprised. And what it opens up for Spider-Man is that it's not, like, Norman Osborne showing up, and you knowing he's going to heel-turn into a colorful villain. A universe has been created, and its curators get to explore it in new, oddball directions, only needing to keep the center pure: Peter Parker is Spider-Man, and he has to carry the weight of love and loss that comes with it. I described the ending of the last movie as "the most Peter Parker-ass thing I've ever seen" and this movie carries that weight throughout. Spider-Man shoulders goodness like it's a thing that can't be put down or he'll lose sight of it. With the ending of 'Endgame' and the loss of the Marvel center, the movie feels like a subtle repositioning of Spider-Man as the moral core to the remaining universe. He swings past 5th avenue and sees Hulk and the Punisher and sure, White Widow, why not, everyone's just a step to the left or right of this guy. And they all love him! And are changed by him! What a wonderful experience, as a Spider-Man fan, to see him in a movie where everyone loves him and is changed by him. There's a trope I kinda hate where someone's not in their right headspace and only that one person who is willing to talk them out of it rather than resorting to violence can save them. (I think that was the ending of Captain America 3? And I guess Thunderbolts?) The only difference is that I actually believe Peter Parker can do it. I think he can make the Hulk feel more human. I absolutely do think Peter Parker can make the Punisher a better person. I think this movie will become a 3.5/5 as surprise wears off; these movies fall apart under scrutiny. (I don't know if that whole spider-puberty thing really did amount to anything?) But they're not really a thing I wish to scrutinize. I fucking love these people, and I've been reading and watching them for thirty years and I could keep reading and watching them for another thirty. I don't say that as 'it's a guilty pleasure, just let me have this,' I say that as a 'please don't tear these movies down and take them away from me.' They're imperfect, but what they get right is that they are, at times, incredible displays of the triumph of goodness that can rarely be matched elsewhere. 

This way it's poetry.

The Commitments — 3/5

This movie has always stuck in my mind, and in Glen Hansard's passing it was pointed out that he starred in this movie, so 1+1 and here I am. First, to why it was stuck in my mind — was this my first realization of foreign movies? I probably saw it as a trailer attached to another movie we rented, and I can imagine thinking "where did this movie come from?" It existed outside of an ecosystem I had become aware of. They've got ~accents.~ Anyway, that's the best guess I can give and it altogether doesn't make for an interesting story, whoops, should have kept that to myself. I think I see why the movie was a success — everyone in it is a character; they feel like they've starred in movies their whole life and would continue to star in movies long after. There is a familiarity to everyone. Looking into it, most everyone here did fuck all before or after this, so then it just becomes a moment in time where a bunch of interesting kindling are tied together. The characters are fun, the music's fun, but it's just a bunch of sparks that fly, no real fire. 

Remember, you know each other really well.

The Drama — 3.5/5

I went in with little knowledge and I am, yet again in a two week span, excited to be surprised. What secrets are forgivable? The ones that hurt people I love? No. The ones that hurt me? Maybe. The ones that hurt someone we no longer acquaint with? Sure, those are fine, you were just a kid, your mind hadn't even fully developed yet. That is a 4/5 movie that unfortunately doesn't complete its thesis statement. It's a movie that mentions the word 'empathy' a lot and offers little of people looking inward. It ends in romantic gesture, forgiveness doled out equally from each one to the other — I will overlook your bullshit if you overlook mine. Which is true, and valid, but I think I needed the movie to end in something greater — empathy is not about playing equals, it's about becoming equals through understanding.

Also, it is at times over-directed!!! (Or over-edited???) Most plainly seen in the opening credits scene which calls attention to itself with ostentatious design. Don't let me get sucked into a movie and then remind me I'm watching a fucking movie. Fuck off.  

I would like you to get a good night's sleep.

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You — 3.5/5

lol I thought this was going to be a comedy. Rose Byrne really is great here. She plays "annoyed" and "kind of a dick" but in a way that never really makes you hate her. She just seems tired. A great movie to pair with 'Die My Love,' in that both are really about people who made choices that have not served them. "Stuck like a pin in this damn life." It's a movie about ostensibly being in control but being completely neutered, placed against a series of small and reasonable and demanding forces that are impossible to fight back against. It's a movie about the lengths of patience. 

Everything's gonna either be okay, or not.

The Bear S5 — 3.5/5

With this season, it feels much like the last season, though I don't think it manages to reach the catharsis of that season or prior seasons. Despite the tension inherent in the premise of the season, it's calmer now, centered on Syd who is thrust finally into becoming the main character and, as I keep saying, it's not really her show. Carmy and his sad eyes try to take a backseat, but your eyes keep going to him. To see if he breaks? To see if he can hang on? And he doesn't, and he does. Yay, good for him. As I may or may not have said, I can't remember, depends on who I talked to, I guess, I see Carmy's experience similar to my own (though not nearly to the same degree). More a similar question of 'is leadership what I want?' — though I don't think that quite sums it up. Maybe more of a 'is leadership worth the anxiety?,' or 'does caring about your work have to mean carrying it into your personal life?' Maybe one of those, dunno. 'Is the cost worth what you are paying,' in essence. (The problem with seeking answers is being unable to define the question.) But those questions, that similarity, puts 'The Bear' in a special place in my heart. For all the criticism and lessening of consideration that took place, there is a lovely simple story about reaching the heights, and deciding that's not what you want. Who knew? You couldn't know until you got there. So while I think a lot of the show feels like 'can they get there?', it's really about whether that's the place you need to be. And the answer, really, is that for some, yes, and for some no. Some need the drive, the chaos, the discipline, the support, the accolades, and those are lovely stories and each one valid but for Carmy, and eventually for me, coming sooner by the day, is the reassurance that it's okay to step back, and just be part of the crowd.

But through love

become slaves to one another.

— uh, the bible, bro 

Be generous and let them be sad.

André Is An Idiot — 3.5/5

My interest in watching this is exactly matched to my cynicism in watching this. It reeks of San Francisco-based advertising, of which I am of course familiar. André Is A Type Of Guy that feels very familiar to me. And that familiarity is warm and somewhat nostalgic though that part of my life isn't even in the past. (What's a word for a nostalgia that just applies to a wistful version of your present existence?) But also that familiarity is kind of annoying! In the just being reminded of the types of people that I both like and dislike. Imagining working alongside André who is no doubt creative but also probably unnecessarily argumentative and immovable. (I can imagine gently encouraging him to "Just answer the fucking brief.") And then the desire for the movie to be an ad, as if that is necessary to give his life meaning. But also, advertising people dealing with problems with the best tools they have available, a dying man's only path towards building a tower of meaning around his life, to wrap his feeble arms around divine purpose. Though this movie scratches the cynic inside me, that scratch reveals the disappointed idealist who sees himself in André. His death — spoiler: he dies — affected me greatly. My life could be wrapped up little differently, with a few ads and a few good friends (and would that be so bad?). As with 'Dying for Sex,' the movie helps me to see the beauty in dying, in saying goodbye, and though I do not wish it, I hope to, as he did, accept it as generosity, with graciousness. Someday, I will be honored and allowed to grieve for the people I love, and they to grieve for me. "And that is beautiful, or close enough."

But I am always dreaming, even when I'm awake.

The Last Unicorn — 3/5

It contains an awkwardness that comes off as genuine. It has that Miyazaki dream logic to it, in that it doesn't really make sense as a clear logical story, more approaching poetry. So much strangeness, a darkness that appears throughout, matched against a beautiful backdrop. It's weird; it's compelling. You're never quite sure what you're watching, or where it will go.

If my wife has a bag of gold, do I care if the bag be old?

Kiss Me Kate — 2/5

I think, like a lot of these types of movies, it's a collection of highlights on top of a thin backdrop that creates an excuse to sing and dance. Unfortunately, that backdrop is 'The Taming of the Shrew' which is one of my least favorite pieces of storytelling. And now here it is, in musical form! Yay! There's a good number, and another interesting number, and a fun dance but, beyond that, it's hard to watch for how borderline evil he is, and how weak-willed she is. And then to see them together at the end? Heart-breaking.  

—

In case those links die someday —

Brush Up Your Shakespeare 
Always True To You In My Fashion
Why Can't You Behave 

I just dropped her picture in the group chat.

They Will Kill You — 2/5

Zazie Beetz will star in hundreds of hours of middling entertainment before they figure out what to do with her.  She's great! She's a very physical actress! This movie is a great big nothing! Though it's a type of movie I'm very attracted to, and keep watching, though I can't quite name that many successful movies in the genre. "Fight or Flight" (bad), "Ready or Not" (fine), "Bullet Train" (fine). "Bad Times at the El Royale" (bad). What do you call these movies? Highly stylized and highly art directed action-comedies with bright colors and colorful personalities. Is this just the downstream of my love for 'The Running Man'? Are they just "video game movies"? Your job: get from point A to point B, and kill all these Street Fighter-ass people along the way. It all sounds fun, and so I keep looking to them for the ultimate expression of passive entertainment, fun fight scenes, fun deaths, but they all just end up being boring because they're based in cool character names rather than interesting characters. If it is indeed all just downstream from 'The Running Man', then I'd like to remind executives that that movie is more than its superficials. 

 

I'm so sorry, that will never happen again.

The Moment — 3/5

I think it's interesting!! Charli XCX embodies herself believably. But also, much like 'brat,' it feels like she's creating a body of work that is just a built-in defense mechanism. You can't call me an asshole, I've already called myself one. You can't tell me I'm over-hyped, I'm telling you I'm over-hyped — and I'm anxious about it!! There are times when the movie veers towards comedy — which is the right instinct!! — but too often it gets caught up in that anxiety-as-comedy trend of the past few years which, I repeat, is not funny, it's just anxious. The A24 of it all. But I come back to "did you just make this for yourself?" It feels true, except it's a performance. Are you being for real or are you just saying shit? It's "the thing but subverting the thing" all over again. Ultimately, I think Charli made a bold choice, but what worked about the album — making music for yourself, that also works for others — does not work as well in a movie. It can't just be a movie about you. It has to be about something larger than you. 

And so, we find we belong to them.

The Sheep Detectives — 3/5

People seemed to be chatting about this thing inciting tears and, yes, it did make me shed a couple, but I'm just going to associate that with being old and weak vs young and in touch with my emotions. The movie has a sincerity which I've been clamoring for, but the voice acting feels disconnected from the characters, and the suspects within the detective story feel pretty unexplored, though yes there is some heart at its core. Emma Thompson pops up here and there to remind us what the correct tonality was meant to be. Oh well. Every 20 years, a 'Babe'-level event comes along, and unfortunately that was already answered with 'Paddington 2,' so we'll have to wait another 10 years for another in its line.

Your eyes are beautiful when you cry.

Supergirl (2026) — 2/5

We were all rooting for you!!!! Sigh. I really want James Gunn to succeed because I like his weird balance of hope and edgelord. I really want Milly Alcock to succeed because she has such an interesting face. (Though I think she's probably better served as a villain? There's a hint of unpredictability and danger in how she holds herself.) And here, you just have a bunch of random shit happening. Supergirl gets nerf-ed, re-powered, nerf-ed, repowered, nerf-ed, etc. What is her emotional arc? What does her origin story add to it? Who is Krem, what are his motivations? What even are his powers? Why did he steal swords and never use them? Why does he have a cool mask that we never see him wear? Why does he kidnap girls but not kidnap the girl? What real relationship does she develop with this girl? Why does she care so much that murder is so bad? Why is a 'you shouldn't murder' argument laid clearly beside 'really good reasons to murder'? Sucks, because Milly brings so much to so little. Props to the people who made the trailer for finding the potential for a good story buried inside this movie. Sigh. There are still elements of this world that James Gunn has shepherded that I enjoy, and the few minutes of Superman here make me excited to see him again, corny and genuine and funny. But, uh, based on this, I worry about how much more we're gonna get, boys. 

It doesn't feel that you know that.

Sorry, Baby — 3/5

The humor in this movie works. Eva Victor has a millennial idiosyncrasy that is fun to watch. Unfortunately, that humor only really kicks in about 40m in, after a long trudge through some sad shit.  Shit, I feel like I had an epiphany about A24's weaponization of cinematography?? Uhhhh maybe — they care more about the framing than communicating the feeling. They care more about looking good than feeling good. A few pinpoint-able directors with strong POVs aside, they know how to arm their teams with the aesthetics of how to make something good, but not how to make it fun—or at least something you want to watch over and over again. They have taste, but still need a someone to bring soul into it. I think Eva Victor's next movie will be better once she escapes A24's aesthetic fetishization.