I'm not fearless 'cause I'm brave. I'm fearless 'cause I'm broken.

Lanterns S1 — 3.5/5

In its way, the most Marvel thing that's come from DC. What I mean by that is that there's a lot of this show that does not survive scrutiny — so it's best not to scrutinize. What helps you throw a blind eye to its strange twists that don't quite make sense is that it coasts on the back of gen-u-ine characters. Kyle Chandler's Hal Jordan is someone I could follow forever and Aaron Pierre's John Stewart's uptight rule-follower is a good counter-weight to Hal's rakish behavior. As the show progresses, Hal gains more respectability, and John gains more humor, and it's a nice 'ships in the night' with Kelly Macdonald providing a lovely anchor between them. Damon Lindelof, between 'Lost' and 'Watchmen,' has earned an official 'I will watch whatever they do,' and you can tell there was an ambition of themes they wanted to play with that unfortunately don't really mesh together: what a parent's willing to do for their child, what it means to be fearless, what fear will turn you into, countering your programming, etc. It's only 8 episodes but feels bloated with 'things happening' and 'things I think the show is trying to be about.' As a show, with a plot, it's (places hand horizontally in front of me, shakes it back and forth), but as a show about characters, hell yeah, brother.

Да.

The Americans S1 — 3.5/5

I'm in my Matthew Rhys era, so sought out his older, also critically-acclaimed show. I have nothing particularly interesting to say other than I find it to be a compelling show and I'm excited to keep watching. Matthew has a 'fakeness' to him, which I think is inherent to his person, that works well in the show. Keri Russell is a far cry from Felicity, but I don't think holds her character's toughness that well. It's unlike her, which I appreciate, but it doesn't yet seem to be a part of her. Let's see where it goes from here. 

Someday you will wish to be

exactly where you are right now.

Are you at peace?

Or have you simply moved away from the things that brought you anxiety?

Flames, on the side of my face.

Clue — 2.5/5

A case study in interesting actors who are mostly muffled by the context they exist in. Tim Curry and Madeline Kahn, when given some freedom, are allowed to shine, but mostly seem to be contained by the plot mechanics of it all. I want to say the director's to blame? It feels like 'hire a bunch of interesting people, but don't let them be themselves.' It's a commitment to the script without the realization that that wasn't working. When Madeline Kahn is allowed her little bit of improv, right at the end, it damns the whole thing — what it could have been. 

What's so bad about being with me?

Obsession — 3/5

I've a working theory that when a movie hits, it's because it's subtly introducing a new idea that people haven't quite seen before. 'Die Hard,' 'Speed,' 'the Matrix,' etc. Action film in a box, constant momentum as plot point, spiritually tech-y VFX, etc. This movie made half a billion dollars and I do not know what is new here. It's an 80s horror + a wish movie. It feels familiar. And so, that leads me to thinking that what is new is simply the classic NBC summer re-run campaign "It's new to you." Every twenty/thirty years or so, we get to just repeat culture for people who did not grow up with it. Marvel got to do that for the Star Wars fans. 'Stranger Things' got to do it for the 'Goonies' fans. If these things had appeared in those times, they would have been seen as good and okay and maybe repetitive rip-offs, better than average but still close to the mean. But it's a new world with new people and there you go. All to say that the massive box office created an expectation in me that there was something more than 'this is fine' here. It's a fun idea that doesn't even feel like its idea is fully explored. It could have been subtler before it went over the top? Though to be fair, Inde Navarrette really is wonderful in the role and I'm excited to see where she goes from here.

I'm aliiiiiive.

House of the Dragon, S3 — 1.5/5

At this point, I'm just watching for the sake of some boring idea of completionism. Much the same problems as S2, and the show only perks up when something approaching "a villain" pops up. And then are dispatched! Goodbye! Look over here at this new character who means nothing. Eh, I've already forgotten my more specific criticisms. It's all blurry edges and when your eyes manage to focus in, you just see all of nothing.

Can I get a kiss?

Love Island USA, S8 — 4/5

At the beginning of this 30-some odd hour excursion, I said often and aloud "this is disgusting." They kiss so aggressively, they're so proud of their promiscuity, they peacock, and a new generation of young attractive types watch it and want to put themselves on display. It was porn without the penetration. As a people, it can only make us worse. These people, the Christofs in the tower, no trace of them ever seen, have created a new torture box designed to traumatize young people. And then, towards the end, this fucking show made me cry! Sigh. What is the use of harsh opinions if I can't hold onto them. This show, through its Stanford experiment fuckery, has created an environment where people grow attached. It's truly hard to say how much of it is real, and what might still exist outside this confinement, but also the sheer amount of time spent with each other, and the weird trials they're put through, have created genuine displays of love and affection and empathy and brooding and narcissism and self-torture on top of the handmade torture they've been provided, and I couldn't stop talking about it for weeks. Through this false fucking facade, this fake weird show, there exists the capacity to reveal something true and real and heartbreaking. I feel like this is just replicating for us the fucking Greek plays where the actors wore the egregious masks. In the opening minutes, the disguise is obvious, how could anyone see beyond them, but then slowly, without realizing it, you forget you're seeing a mask at all. Brinity 4 ever. 

And sometimes Spider-Man has to do the hard thing, even if it breaks Peter Parker's heart.

Spider-Man: Brand New Day — 4/5

I just absolutely loved that, from moment to moment, I had no idea what was going to happen next. Who is this villain? Why are they unfamiliar to me? Is this a comic I never read? It was beautiful feeling, being surprised. And what it opens up for Spider-Man is that it's not, like, Norman Osborne showing up, and you knowing he's going to heel-turn into a colorful villain. A universe has been created, and its curators get to explore it in new, oddball directions, only needing to keep the center pure: Peter Parker is Spider-Man, and he has to carry the weight of love and loss that comes with it. I described the ending of the last movie as "the most Peter Parker-ass thing I've ever seen" and this movie carries that weight throughout. Spider-Man shoulders goodness like it's a thing that can't be put down or he'll lose sight of it. With the ending of 'Endgame' and the loss of the Marvel center, the movie feels like a subtle repositioning of Spider-Man as the moral core to the remaining universe. He swings past 5th avenue and sees Hulk and the Punisher and sure, White Widow, why not, everyone's just a step to the left or right of this guy. And they all love him! And are changed by him! What a wonderful experience, as a Spider-Man fan, to see him in a movie where everyone loves him and is changed by him. There's a trope I kinda hate where someone's not in their right headspace and only that one person who is willing to talk them out of it rather than resorting to violence can save them. (I think that was the ending of Captain America 3? And I guess Thunderbolts?) The only difference is that I actually believe Peter Parker can do it. I think he can make the Hulk feel more human. I absolutely do think Peter Parker can make the Punisher a better person. I think this movie will become a 3.5/5 as surprise wears off; these movies fall apart under scrutiny. (I don't know if that whole spider-puberty thing really did amount to anything?) But they're not really a thing I wish to scrutinize. I fucking love these people, and I've been reading and watching them for thirty years and I could keep reading and watching them for another thirty. I don't say that as 'it's a guilty pleasure, just let me have this,' I say that as a 'please don't tear these movies down and take them away from me.' They're imperfect, but what they get right is that they are, at times, incredible displays of the triumph of goodness that can rarely be matched elsewhere. 

This way it's poetry.

The Commitments — 3/5

This movie has always stuck in my mind, and in Glen Hansard's passing it was pointed out that he starred in this movie, so 1+1 and here I am. First, to why it was stuck in my mind — was this my first realization of foreign movies? I probably saw it as a trailer attached to another movie we rented, and I can imagine thinking "where did this movie come from?" It existed outside of an ecosystem I had become aware of. They've got ~accents.~ Anyway, that's the best guess I can give and it altogether doesn't make for an interesting story, whoops, should have kept that to myself. I think I see why the movie was a success — everyone in it is a character; they feel like they've starred in movies their whole life and would continue to star in movies long after. There is a familiarity to everyone. Looking into it, most everyone here did fuck all before or after this, so then it just becomes a moment in time where a bunch of interesting kindling are tied together. The characters are fun, the music's fun, but it's just a bunch of sparks that fly, no real fire. 

Remember, you know each other really well.

The Drama — 3.5/5

I went in with little knowledge and I am, yet again in a two week span, excited to be surprised. What secrets are forgivable? The ones that hurt people I love? No. The ones that hurt me? Maybe. The ones that hurt someone we no longer acquaint with? Sure, those are fine, you were just a kid, your mind hadn't even fully developed yet. That is a 4/5 movie that unfortunately doesn't complete its thesis statement. It's a movie that mentions the word 'empathy' a lot and offers little of people looking inward. It ends in romantic gesture, forgiveness doled out equally from each one to the other — I will overlook your bullshit if you overlook mine. Which is true, and valid, but I think I needed the movie to end in something greater — empathy is not about playing equals, it's about becoming equals through understanding.

Also, it is at times over-directed!!! (Or over-edited???) Most plainly seen in the opening credits scene which calls attention to itself with ostentatious design. Don't let me get sucked into a movie and then remind me I'm watching a fucking movie. Fuck off.  

I would like you to get a good night's sleep.

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You — 3.5/5

lol I thought this was going to be a comedy. Rose Byrne really is great here. She plays "annoyed" and "kind of a dick" but in a way that never really makes you hate her. She just seems tired. A great movie to pair with 'Die My Love,' in that both are really about people who made choices that have not served them. "Stuck like a pin in this damn life." It's a movie about ostensibly being in control but being completely neutered, placed against a series of small and reasonable and demanding forces that are impossible to fight back against. It's a movie about the lengths of patience. 

Everything's gonna either be okay, or not.

The Bear S5 — 3.5/5

With this season, it feels much like the last season, though I don't think it manages to reach the catharsis of that season or prior seasons. Despite the tension inherent in the premise of the season, it's calmer now, centered on Syd who is thrust finally into becoming the main character and, as I keep saying, it's not really her show. Carmy and his sad eyes try to take a backseat, but your eyes keep going to him. To see if he breaks? To see if he can hang on? And he doesn't, and he does. Yay, good for him. As I may or may not have said, I can't remember, depends on who I talked to, I guess, I see Carmy's experience similar to my own (though not nearly to the same degree). More a similar question of 'is leadership what I want?' — though I don't think that quite sums it up. Maybe more of a 'is leadership worth the anxiety?,' or 'does caring about your work have to mean carrying it into your personal life?' Maybe one of those, dunno. 'Is the cost worth what you are paying,' in essence. (The problem with seeking answers is being unable to define the question.) But those questions, that similarity, puts 'The Bear' in a special place in my heart. For all the criticism and lessening of consideration that took place, there is a lovely simple story about reaching the heights, and deciding that's not what you want. Who knew? You couldn't know until you got there. So while I think a lot of the show feels like 'can they get there?', it's really about whether that's the place you need to be. And the answer, really, is that for some, yes, and for some no. Some need the drive, the chaos, the discipline, the support, the accolades, and those are lovely stories and each one valid but for Carmy, and eventually for me, coming sooner by the day, is the reassurance that it's okay to step back, and just be part of the crowd.

But through love

become slaves to one another.

— uh, the bible, bro 

Be generous and let them be sad.

André Is An Idiot — 3.5/5

My interest in watching this is exactly matched to my cynicism in watching this. It reeks of San Francisco-based advertising, of which I am of course familiar. André Is A Type Of Guy that feels very familiar to me. And that familiarity is warm and somewhat nostalgic though that part of my life isn't even in the past. (What's a word for a nostalgia that just applies to a wistful version of your present existence?) But also that familiarity is kind of annoying! In the just being reminded of the types of people that I both like and dislike. Imagining working alongside André who is no doubt creative but also probably unnecessarily argumentative and immovable. (I can imagine gently encouraging him to "Just answer the fucking brief.") And then the desire for the movie to be an ad, as if that is necessary to give his life meaning. But also, advertising people dealing with problems with the best tools they have available, a dying man's only path towards building a tower of meaning around his life, to wrap his feeble arms around divine purpose. Though this movie scratches the cynic inside me, that scratch reveals the disappointed idealist who sees himself in André. His death — spoiler: he dies — affected me greatly. My life could be wrapped up little differently, with a few ads and a few good friends (and would that be so bad?). As with 'Dying for Sex,' the movie helps me to see the beauty in dying, in saying goodbye, and though I do not wish it, I hope to, as he did, accept it as generosity, with graciousness. Someday, I will be honored and allowed to grieve for the people I love, and they to grieve for me. "And that is beautiful, or close enough."