Please, God, don't let me fall in love and want to do disgusting things.

Mermaids — 4/5

Every person here is a fucking star. It radiates charm. I didn't know Christina Ricci was in anything before Addam's Family, but the exact quality you saw there is present here in a much younger version of her. Winona Ryder is often not a great actress, but the way in which she is a bad actress is totally unique and compelling. Cher's role is exactly what you think of Cher the person when you close your eyes. And Bob Hoskins' Lou Landsky is one of my favorite comedic portrayals. I see in him an actor who doesn't exist anymore, in how he seems to be a throwback to an even older time of silent film comedians. He has such control over his face and hands. He feels like a cartoon, and so when he's also capable of hitting the dramatic beats, it throws you off and makes you realize how this short weird-looking man ended up being given the star vehicles he was given. The movie is based on a novel and it's got that feeling, jumping around and maybe missing some key plot or thematic ingredients, but the imperfections—as they do—add to the lightness and overall joy of watching it. On a list of perfectly cast films.

Where did you go?

Weapons — 2.5/5

I went into this mostly blind except for the hype, and I can't tell if the hype dampened this, but this movie is very fine. It's a spiritual successor to 'Hereditary' and, like that movie, doesn't have a clear 'about,' but that movie is centered around incredible centralizing performances and a genuine sense of not knowing what the fuck is going on. It had a mood! This movie has a bunch of people, none of whom I am sure is the main character, and some of which I'm not sure are relevant as characters at all. I think the 'it's actually about school shootings' thing is interesting, but then when I read that Zach Cregger doesn't know why he put that gun into the dream sequence and well that just throws that off, yeah? My problem with this movie is that it feels like it wants to be more than it is, but it doesn't know what that is. 

I'm sure it's fun to be the guy.

A Complete Unknown – 2.5/5

Title sums it up. You are no deeper to understand Bob Dylan coming out of the movie as going in. The movie often just wants to be a museum-quality re-creation of great songs, but it, or Dylan, are unable to give meaning to the songs beyond the songs. It's a showcase film for a preternaturally gifted songwriter who is condemned by his own talent to pull from and be trapped in some deep internal place. And I think the movie wants me to think he is some great rebel, but I just kind of see him as someone who can easily break a thing that other people have built, because it is easy for him to do so. 

All our endeavors are as nothing.

The House of the Dragon, Season 2 — 2/5

The show continues to form itself around its strongest weakness from season 2, which is that Alicent and Rhaenyra are people in power but totally powerless. Who the fuck are these people other than people set on a path? Rhaenyra is a queen-in-waiting and a queen-in-wanting but has no discernible queen-like ability other than she looks like a queen, doesn't she? She's got a dragon and fancy clothes and white hair and she talks seriously. Man, this show suffered a loss when Milly Alcock left this show, because Emma D'Arcy can bring nothing to this character that the writers have failed to give her. So, as with the end of season 2, the interest is in other characters who at least have a personality. Aegon is an idiot king, and Aemond is a vile king, and they are both eminently watchable as they at least and at last spur events into motion. Any time they're on screen, there are sparks, but the show then organizes its time on its principals: Daemon, who is increasingly pathetic and useless; Rhaenyra, who is all the things I've said, a door jamb in which more interesting things can revolve around; and Alicent, who at least carries some consistency in character... but consistency doesn't make for a compelling reason to watch. At the end of season 1, I was excited to see what happens next. At the end of season 2, I can't wait for it to be over. 

She had a bottom that would make any toilet beg for the brown.

The Naked Gun (2025) — 2.5/5

Went into this mostly against my desire, as the trailers mostly sucked and I hate Seth Macfarlane, but then here I was laughing at jokes. Quelle horreur. The mentality of people I'd talked to is 'not every joke lands, but they keep coming so they don't give you time to dwell on the bad ones' which is a mentality I sort of fucking hate, a 'Family Guy' mentality, but, sigh, they ain't wrong. It keeps moving, and some jokes landed and some jokes didn't, and in between, there's a general affability from Liam Neeson's commitment to the role that creates forgivability, something 'Family Guy' never engenders because all of its characters are fucking awful. All in all, it's not a great movie, but it's got a something to it.