Guys can be shitty and women can't.

Adventureland — 2.5/5

A moodboard and that's all. I want it to be some vintage throwback to a John Hughes era, but relationships come too easy, and fall apart too easy, and come back together too easy. Jesse Eisenberg has shades of John Cusack in 'High Fidelity,' namely in "how does an average guy like me become the number one lover man in his particular postal district?" But whereas one is John Cusack, the other is Jesse Eisenberg. There's something about his character that doesn't hit the correct note. Kristin Stewart, like Winona Ryder, is often not a great actress, but unique and compelling in her way. But there is chemistry between the two, and the makings of a better movie somewhere in here. 

Please, God, don't let me fall in love and want to do disgusting things.

Mermaids — 4/5

Every person here is a fucking star. It radiates charm. I didn't know Christina Ricci was in anything before Addam's Family, but the exact quality you saw there is present here in a much younger version of her. Winona Ryder is often not a great actress, but the way in which she is not a great actress is totally unique and compelling, with bursts of great acting. Cher's role is exactly what you think of Cher the person when you close your eyes. And Bob Hoskins' Lou Landsky is one of my favorite comedic portrayals. I see in him an actor who doesn't exist anymore, in how he seems to be a throwback to an even older time of silent film comedians. He has such control over his face and hands. He feels like a cartoon, and so when he's also capable of hitting the dramatic beats, it throws you off and makes you realize how this short weird-looking man ended up being given the star vehicles he was given. The movie is based on a novel and it's got that feeling, jumping around and maybe missing some key plot or thematic ingredients, but the imperfections—as they do—add to the lightness and overall joy of watching it. On a list of perfectly cast films.

Where did you go?

Weapons — 2.5/5

I went into this mostly blind except for the hype, and I can't tell if the hype dampened this, but this movie is very fine. It's a spiritual successor to 'Hereditary' and, like that movie, doesn't have a clear 'about,' but that movie is centered around incredible centralizing performances and a genuine sense of not knowing what the fuck is going on. It had a mood! This movie has a bunch of people, none of whom I am sure is the main character, and some of which I'm not sure are relevant as characters at all. I think the 'it's actually about school shootings' thing is interesting, but then when I read that Zach Cregger doesn't know why he put that gun into the dream sequence and well that just throws that off, yeah? My problem with this movie is that it feels like it wants to be more than it is, but it doesn't know what that is. 

I'm sure it's fun to be the guy.

A Complete Unknown – 2.5/5

Title sums it up. You are no deeper to understand Bob Dylan coming out of the movie as going in. The movie often just wants to be a museum-quality re-creation of great songs, but it, or Dylan, are unable to give meaning to the songs beyond the songs. It's a showcase film for a preternaturally gifted songwriter who is condemned by his own talent to pull from and be trapped in some deep internal place. And I think the movie wants me to think he is some great rebel, but I just kind of see him as someone who can easily break a thing that other people have built, because it is easy for him to do so. 

All our endeavors are as nothing.

The House of the Dragon, Season 2 — 2/5

The show continues to form itself around its strongest weakness from season 2, which is that Alicent and Rhaenyra are people in power but totally powerless. Who the fuck are these people other than people set on a path? Rhaenyra is a queen-in-waiting and a queen-in-wanting but has no discernible queen-like ability other than she looks like a queen, doesn't she? She's got a dragon and fancy clothes and white hair and she talks seriously. Man, this show suffered a loss when Milly Alcock left this show, because Emma D'Arcy can bring nothing to this character that the writers have failed to give her. So, as with the end of season 2, the interest is in other characters who at least have a personality. Aegon is an idiot king, and Aemond is a vile king, and they are both eminently watchable as they at least and at last spur events into motion. Any time they're on screen, there are sparks, but the show then organizes its time on its principals: Daemon, who is increasingly pathetic and useless; Rhaenyra, who is all the things I've said, a door jamb in which more interesting things can revolve around; and Alicent, who at least carries some consistency in character... but consistency doesn't make for a compelling reason to watch. At the end of season 1, I was excited to see what happens next. At the end of season 2, I can't wait for it to be over. 

She had a bottom that would make any toilet beg for the brown.

The Naked Gun (2025) — 2.5/5

Went into this mostly against my desire, as the trailers mostly sucked and I hate Seth Macfarlane, but then here I was laughing at jokes. Quelle horreur. The mentality of people I'd talked to is 'not every joke lands, but they keep coming so they don't give you time to dwell on the bad ones' which is a mentality I sort of fucking hate, a 'Family Guy' mentality, but, sigh, they ain't wrong. It keeps moving, and some jokes landed and some jokes didn't, and in between, there's a general affability from Liam Neeson's commitment to the role that creates forgivability, something 'Family Guy' never engenders because all of its characters are fucking awful. All in all, it's not a great movie, but it's got a something to it. 

I am an appetite, nothing more.

Nosferatu (2024) — 3.5/5

It's most definitely my favorite of Eggers' movies because I think there's an undercurrent of humor to the whole affair. The high foreheads and high drama is all just a bit silly, isn't it? Beyond that, I waited too long between watching and writing down my thoughts so I've mostly forgotten the details, but I recall appreciating that this movie is about women fucking, and for me this movie is part of a larger theme of modern horror movies that I love where the monster is some aspect of shame; this time of having experienced orgasmic pleasure and the indignity of liking it. Nosferatu is la petite mort, writ large. 

I want to feel everything for as long as I can.

Dying For Sex (limited series) — 4/5

Weird takeaway, but it makes me feel the beauty in dying slow. And then a couple of days later I got a headache that lasted all day and man, what a stupid thing to think. So I'll dial that back and say that yes, I can see there is beauty within dying slow, and the show illustrates that wonderfully, but no, God, if you're listening, I'm not sure I'd like that for myself. Though its exploration of sex wants to be a 50/50 split between itself and death, death is what the show excels at, taking you through the process of a body and mind practicing its cessation of existence. And, similar to 'Fleishman Is in Trouble', feels like the show successfully makes you think the show is about one person only to reveal it's about the other person as well. Jenny Slater seemed like a supporting actress in the Judy Greer mold (lovable, happy to see her in anything), but she grows to be the second lead, and her life, like the dying girl's, is put on pause. Love stories about friendships are my favorite love stories. Michelle Williams is adorable, and I'm sorry she has to die, but what a way to go and thank you for taking me with you. And though I haven't finished 'Catastrophe' yet, I hope Rob Delaney's character ends in divorce so that this can be a pseudo-sequel to that show.

The order of things.

House of the Dragon S1 — 3.5/5

Were I not watching this for work, I would not have watched it, as the idea of a prequel two hundred years before a foregone conclusion gives me little to concern myself. How pleasantly surprised am I, then. The show, just as Game of Thrones did so well, has cast interesting actors as interesting characters, and very quickly I'm sucked back in to the scheming. Milly Alcock, particularly, is almost unreadable as an actress; seemingly sincere, a liar, a sweet thing, or a deviant, based on the turn of the light. The show loses something to focus on when it loses her, but it then pivots to being about the everything and all of it, distracting you with new characters and allegiances. On the whole, those characters are characters that are quickly formed, but as far as the central duo, I honestly can't tell what the show wants me to think of them. Are they vile powermongers, or just the unfortunate people caught up in it all? There's fun to be had in that lack of surety, but it mostly just makes me care about anyone else more than them. 

Not the fault of any one driver per se.

Death of a Unicorn — 2/5

Fun concept that doesn't have a tonality to match. I've grown to believe Paul Rudd is a bad actor outside of a very niche form of comedic acting. I pretty much hate him when he tries to be serious, as I can never take him as such.

Now that you know this,

what will you do?

I'm gonna let you tell me who you are.

The Fantastic Four: First Steps — 4/5

I just want to call the whole thing 'cohesive.' It's not a word that's going to drive people to the theaters, but man oh man, does everything just fit together. The style matches the tone, the art direction decisions all add up to a singular world. It feels different; it feels purposeful. The hubbub — or lack thereof — around the movie makes me want to knock it down a half-point, they're making me feel like I'm wrong, but I'm trying to hold on to how much fun I had watching it. It feels big, it's cosmic, it's got a giant Galactus roaming the streets of New York, but it also doesn't go further than is needed. The first three years of their existence is handled with a quick summary, the Thing and Johnny don't overplay their joke-y characteristics, Reed's hints at self-hatred (?) and a slightly nasal voice, a cute robot, and "yeah, sure, let's go to space" without excess fanfare. All the stylistic touches could have easily turned it into a cartoon, but they're all played casually. They live easily within the world that's been created. It gives you enough to get it, and then gets out. 

A real branding issue.

Mo S1 — 3.5/5

Largely enjoyable, though not as much a comedy as it is both a fiery and informal look into another culture. I have a soft spot for those. 

Smile, you son of a bitch.

Jaws — 4/5 (rewatch)

What strikes me most about this rewatch is how much of this movie feels like it's just a step above a TV movie. Everything about it is an example of something poorly made, done well. There is no large character arc with anyone involved, just a lot of texture in who those characters are. Shaw doesn't change, Hooper doesn't change, Brody doesn't change—but 'who they are' is very identifiable and pinpoint-able. They are rich. They are islands on a map. The plot is paper-thin: shark attacks > go kill shark. And then when the shark appears, despite the dun-DUN of it all, it appears so casually. It is just a thing that exists beneath the waves, slicing through water. The fear of the Leviathan isn't that it is coming for us; it is that it is already here, just below us. The movie has a confidence in how big it needs to be in order to work. It doesn't need to push on the primal nature of it all, just press. And, of course, that "confidence" is just an accident, a byproduct of unpredictable machinery. That's just how it goes, you know, you know. 

And, plus, my own theory of successful horror movies is laid out in this movie — "will it make you afraid to _________ again?" Freddy Krueger > "fall asleep," Jason Voorhees > "go to summer camp." Any time I walk into the ocean, I scan the horizon. 

Hope

is a deferment of responsibility.