Chaotic neutral.

Nimona — 3/5

Good, well done. Big, epic, but also I've mostly forgotten it. It's a healthy byproduct of Spider-Man breaking through the idea that all animation needs to look the same. But also, I think, it's that Cartoon Network style of humor given perhaps its biggest stage. All those Steven Universes and Teen Titans Go! and the like. I don't know how to describe it, but you can see that paradigm shift of humor — "kids can be depressed, too," anxiety, overly-caffeinated, annoying?, jumping on walls. That's not a bad thing, I love Teen Titans Go! To The Movies, just pointing at it as I think we'll see increasingly more of it as those kids become adults and bring their interests to bear. I am here to call out the shifting tides, friends, as if that means anything to you.

How could you know? You're not a woman.

Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles – 4/5

Man, fuck slow cinema. To the movie's discredit, I couldn't watch it but ten minute at a time. But also — those increments felt like meditation. You're not drawn into Jeanne Dielman's world so much as you succumb to it, the numb repetition of the same things over and over again. Wake up, make breakfast, shine shoes, get groceries, have sex with a stranger for money, have dinner with your son, and so on. Days blur together. The sludge of maintaining everyday life, with a touch of slight differences in each day that catch your eye. It's Highlights magazine — what's different between the scenes? Did she check the mail the day before, or is this new? Is that the same strange man as yesterday? What happened to the potatoes? What are the signs and signals of someone who needs help? Jeanne is falling, but we don't know how far, how fully, she doesn't tell us. She never reveals herself, her inner thoughts, her vulnerabilities. We don't know what she's thinking at any point in the movie, so how can we even begin to understand what she does at the end? How can we not know what's right in front of us? It's living in the same space with another person and still being surprised. How?

Guys, just go do whatever. You'll be fine.

Never Get Tired: The Bomb The Music Industry! Story – 3/5

Morality is tiresome. Doing the right thing takes so much out of you. It is the hard work of living, made harder. The good fight is a constant fight. Thank god for the torch lighting the dark, the clear man at the front screaming and shouting and rallying the troops against the oppressive and encroaching darkness. And when the band eventually does get tired, it feels crushing in its inevitability. The wheels don't go flying off, the wagon is just gently unhitched, and the lead horse is set to wander the rest of the way through the wilderness in the dark, still carving a path for whoever wants to follow. "Until we complained, it felt just like a vacation." As long as you don't draw attention to the cost, you don't have to reckon with what you've lost. Steady income, sleep on a sturdy mattress; a stable future. All the things we want at our weakest, but nothing that sets us on fire, that makes us stronger. It's not a great movie, but it has made me a fan of that man for life. Thank god for Jeff Rosenstock.

Because you needed help.

The Flash – 3.5/5

I had fun!! It was a fun movie!! It felt like the stupidity—and the self-seriousness—of Fast & the Furious at its best (stupidest)!! Some of the worst VFX you'll ever see, but it all works towards the tone of the movie. It's easy to forgive. The same lack of fear in being stupid is the same lack of fear in being sincere. There's a bigness in those feelings, and the movie feels big in turn. If this shit came on FX, I would absolutely stop on that channel. 

Do you wanna be right or wanna be happy?

Celeste and Jesse Forever – 2.5/5

Ah, that 10 year span where all our romantic comedies were a little bit indie, and kind of fucking sad. And just kind of small? There's that whole ten years of that Duplass Brothers shit, where everything was aiming for intimacy but just felt inconsequential. ('When Harry Met Sally' feels like a big movie. It's okay to be a big movie.) It gets points for not making an easy enemy of anyone, but the movie's second plot contrivance (new baby) makes an easy answer of its first plot contrivance (staying friends after a break up). 

Bigger than expected.

Smaller than we thought.

I don't like reality. Where I live, I mean.

Pearl — 4/5

Wow, Mia Goth, I didn't know you had it in you. What a performance. And what a unique horror movie! She comes across as so genuinely sweet, so sympathetic, a bird who wants to fly, and with a look, a question, the whole movie—and someone's soon-to-be-departed world—turns. In a genre that feels like it rarely hits on anything new, here it is: understanding the monster, and how easily they hide. And within that—the playful way it tells its story. That smile at the end, wow. Avowed Ti West disliker, I—am glad he found someone to play with. 

She's probably not my sister.

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga – 2.5/5

I'm not sure I can say Eurovision is ripe for parody since it already feels like a parody that everyone gleefully embraces. It's stupid, and part of the fun is how invested you get in the stupidity. And the movie, I think, gets the sincerity right—Rachel McAdams creates a surprising warmth you want to root for—but man, what a missed opportunity to dial up the stupidity x1000. Sing big dumb songs, have big dumb personalities. It thought it was coasting on the open seas, sails billowing, but it was anchored by that Will Ferrel laziness, scraping the shoreline.

No, he ain't a creature of God's Earth, but he's a creature of somewhere.

Asteroid City – 4/5

I feel this movie is about something interesting. I always find Wes Anderson's framing off-putting — a constant reminder that there's a director making choices behind the scenes, a hand of god, a controlling element. But this movie is very deliberately about the framing — about the control and lack of control in how we choose to frame things. A postcard shows you the most idyllic view of a scene, an unreal collage of colors. A photograph only shows you what the photographer wants you to see, devoid of context. A play and a TV show and a movie all handle framing a story in different ways, bound by the medium and bound by runtime and attention spans and bound by the controlling eye. All the ways an artist tries to control how a story is told – and what they choose to include in the picture. The key thing for me was the thing that was "cut" — Augie giving a reason for burning his hand ("I wanted there to be a reason my heart was beating so fast"). An artist debates within themselves what needs to be text versus context versus what is under the text; what they hand to an audience and what they leave for the audience to figure out for themselves. The play would have been better with the line, cuz it's a good line, but also may have been worse for trying to spell it out. Who knows? The postcard framing style throughout the movie always pans left or right or up or down to show all the other things happening that more fully tell the story of a moment, but which also make stories more complex. And so all the little behind-the-scenes elements add to this, the actors in love or at odds or confused by what's going on all add to what exists within and beyond the postcard / play / TV show / movie frame. All these little asteroids orbiting a thing. And we as viewers try to analyze a movie and say "does this connect?" or "this could have been tighter" but there's a whole cosmos of things happening that make a thing what it is, all with the power and ability and threat to create unplanned mountain ranges or else destroy it entirely. All beyond their control, and all beyond our ability to see them. So, ultimately — the story's framing is about what an artist chooses to show, and how despite their best attempts to control the narrative, they're not completely in charge... and how we can never truly fully understand their intentions without ourselves being them; without ourselves having been there. "You can't wake up if you don't go to sleep."

(People chattering indistinctly)

Yesterday belongs to us, Doctor Jones.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny — 3/5

It was fun! It made me remember these things were supposed to be fun. In my intellectual-ass 20s, I think I grew to expect more from these movies, but they really are just excuses to have fun and fall in love with a new character. They found a character motive to explain grumpy-ass Harrison Ford. Phoebe Waller-Bridge was Phoebe Waller-Bridge and I enjoy her very much and only ask that she continue doing what she does. Mads made for a good villain, calm with motive, composed with purpose. The Object of Great Importance had that air of 'I read about that in a book in middle school' and thus was invested in following the little story they made up about it. But very flawed, yes, oh yes. Go here, do this, now go here and do this other thing. Could have combined some of those, I should think, instead of feeling like some Da Vinci Code-ass shit. Antonio Banderas is in this movie for some reason? Mads just dies. All the villains just die.  The first 15 minutes had me pissing my pants in anger at how stupid things looked, and how unnecessary it all was. But friends, when they were approaching that time warp and the seed of doubt was introduced... I don't think I've had as much fun at the movies since seeing that home video alien appear out of the bushes in 'Signs.' Edge of my seat. Eyes glued. So, fuck the flaws, I enjoyed spending money to see it on a big screen. 

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And just in case anybody stumbles upon this site with the power to pay me to repair scripts — let the seeds of doubt about the time warp only be doubt. Land back in WW2 and have Indiana Jones fight to save Hitler's life. C'mon, it'd be fun. 

It would be best for all of us if you would just stop being who you are and doing the things you love.

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story – 2.5/5

I was holding out hope that Weird Al was less involved in this than he was. I have never really loved Weird-Al-as-musician, but I absolutely love Weird-Al-who-makes-video, and I wanted to be able to easily point at some of the jokes and say 'that's Weird Al's voice,' unmistakable, and point to others and say 'that's somebody else fucking it up.' And I do think when it succeeds, it's because it sounds and feels like Weird Al, but when it fails, it's become some College Humor-ass director doesn't know what the fuck they're doing. But the credits roll and I guess Weird Al's fingerprints are all over the place so, fun, he gets to share the blame. Nah, fuck it, I'll still blame the other guy.