Saturday, May 31, 2008

My Stinky Butt:

A Memoir

My butt.

I forgot to wash my butt.

Mr. Goodbar.

Mr. Greatbar.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Hey, fuck you, all right.

Sex and the City - 6/10. Man! It was like FIVE episodes! I didn't bring enough alcohol to support the two and a half hours. It's a fashion show of a movie. It's flighty and fun and as vapid as the show ever was, but it's worthwhile when they're focused on their relationships. Like the show, the movie only crackles when Big's around, and it nosedives when he takes a smoke break. Jennifer Hudson is useless. The closest the movie comes to being about something is the idea that you don't need to be married to be in a relationship, which the entire show's existence seems to revolve around - four friends whose bond with each other only extends to them just liking each other a lot - but it screws it up in the end by marrying the two off. Way to go. You were almost about something. Otherwise, it's simply a more fitting end than the last episode actually was.

I don't know how many bananas grow in a pack,

but I know it's a bunch.

- Adorable tourguide on the Disneyworld boat ride.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

My one bad experience at 5 Guys

is when I'm pretty sure they noticed me putting fruit punch into my water cup.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

If there's no hope left for us

then, darling, let's just leave it there.

We keep

our crazies hid.

Their treasure is knowledge. Knowledge... is their treasure.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls - 5.5/10. It exists. A TV-movie version of the real thing. Thank you for still being alive, Karen Allen.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

I never dreamt it!

Me, a college graduate!

Sunday, May 11, 2008


Speed Racer - 7/10. Overly long, overly earnest, lot of fun.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Knowing who made it

diminishes it.

The premier work of man perhaps in the whole western world and it's without a signature.

'Be of good heart,' cry the dead artists out of the living past. Our songs will all be silenced - but what of it? Go on singing. Maybe a man's name doesn't matter all that much.

Friday, May 9, 2008

This guy I used to know.

We drove 16 hours, there and back, so he could get a Hard Rock Cafe New Orleans t-shirt.

I don't talk to him anymore.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Why I can be bought.

Banana Republic is expensive, y'all.

Iron Man, Iron Man, same theme song as Spider-Man.


Sunday, May 4, 2008

Katherine's Brief.

Why are we advertising?
To get Katherine a job at the right place.

Positioning Statement
She's a bitch, but we like her.

Who are we talking to?
Older gentlemen.

How do they feel about Katherine?
Katherine 'doesn't have much to say, yet speaks.' Self-centered, but cares about her friends. Bold. Sarcastic. Pushes buttons. An '8-year old with a driver's license.' Likes boys. Is an exclusive club. You either get Katherine or you don't. Energetic, spunky, vivacious. Has a weird accent. Like she's not from here, but she's definitely from here. Katherine is the sun. Wild. Likes getting what she wants but doesn't need it. She has sharp nails and uses them to hurt people. Katherine doesn't cry.

What should we say to them?
Katherine is a risk. It is just as likely for you to hate Katherine as it
is for you to love her. Either way, it will be interesting.

If Katherine was a wrestler, what wrestler would she be?
Ric Flair. One of the loudest, most garish wrestlers in the game. Also
known as a "Limousine ridin', jet flying, kiss stealin', wheelin' dealing,
son of a gun."

Media Requirements
That thing that Brand Managers have to do.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Samara's Brief.

Why are we advertising?

To get Samara the job at the right place.

Positioning Statement

Samara's got some damn sense.

Who are we talking to?

People acting a fool.

How do they feel about Samara?
Samara is fun, funny, laid back. Samara puts up a wall. Bossy. Not athletic, but not girly. Samara "does things on her own time." She is constructive without being nasty. Samara is direct. Samara's got a mouth. Samara has opinions. Samara is not afraid to state her opinions. She can be intimidating. Samara is a "difficult piece of fruit." Samara ain't trying to impress nobody. Samara claims to keep it real. She may act hard but she is fronting. If you can get in, you're good. Samara is just fucking with you, man. Samara is black.

What should we say to them?

Samara ain't got any damn time for this. Give her a damn job.

If Samara was a wrestler, what wrestler would she be?

Christian Cage. Not the biggest wrestler, nor the baddest, but uses his mouth to start some shit.

Media Requirements

I don't know, don't you have a thesis due or some shit?

Brian's Brief.

Why are we advertising?

To get Brian the job at the right place.

Positioning Statement

Brian is effortless.

Who are we talking to?

The ladies.

How do they feel about Brian?
Brian is dreamy. Brian is unfazed. He doesn't get stressed out. He is mean, but funny. "Calls you out without hurting your feelings." Dresses like an "Irish immigrant moving to America." Brian coasts. He is a talented artist. Delightful. Has a cackle - a "genuine laugh." He is the cool kid in the back. He is "searching for something more." Brian is a father. He will probably be a cool dad. "Brian gives even less of a shit about what other people think than you do." He didn't deserve to win best dressed. That honor belonged to Eric Larkin and he knows it.

What should we say to them?

Brian makes you cool by association.

If Brian was a wrestler, what wrestler would he be?
The Rock. Never the most technical wrestler, but gets by on his charm.

Media Requirements
1 Website, due this week.