Friday, September 23, 2011

"Spider! Spider!"

It was crawling on my head!
And now it's only dead!
What was going through its mind?
As it was crawling across mine?
What was its last little thought?
Before the farm was bought?
"Explore!," it might have said,
"For soon we all are dead."
"Kerthunk!," I replied.
"Get the fuck off of me, you shit."

Monday, September 19, 2011

They're only as good

as they're allowed to be.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

When strangers do meet in far off lands.

Charade - 8/10. It's an Alfred Hitchcock/Cary Grant movie, if Alfred Hitchcock knew what to do with Cary Grant.

Friday, September 16, 2011

This is the theory

... that anything that is art ... is presumably about some certain thing, but is really always about something else, and it's no good having one without the other, because if you just have the something it is boring and if you just have the something else it's irritating.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


a lie.

Maybe on their planet, 'responsibility' just means 'asshole.'

Green Lantern - 5/10. The worst thing isn't to be bad; the worst thing is to be boring. No concept of pacing and how that's used to built drama. No idea how to bring all of its pieces together. But hey, Ryan Reynolds was trying.

Don't expect me to get excited over another damn thing we need to find.

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, Part 1 - 4/10. Harry Potter and the nothing fucking happens for two hours. Harry Potter and the convenient storytelling. Seven(?) movies building to a final confrontation, and they walk around in the woods for two hours. I'm sure you could go into the next movie with no knowledge of this movie existing and miss absolutely nothing. It strikes me as a grab for your hard-earned socialist working man dollars. If you need a thousand pages (or four hours) to tell this story, then you are lazy or a hack. Yo, Bro? Fuck this movie.

A man must know the right occasion to indulge in tax evasion.

Shock Treatment - 6/10. The 'sequel' to Rocky Horror Picture Show. Suffers in the unnecessary comparison/continuation to/of that movie. Besides that, a handful of good ideas that don't go anywhere (and would be better explored in different, later movies), and a handful of really fun songs.

The sickest, most wicked-est motherfucker that ever vaporized motherfuckers in cold-blood.

Crank 2: High Voltage - 7.5/10. The first movie was burdened by its reliance on a plot. This movie simply does not give a fuck.

Fuck it, let's have a barbecue!

Daybreakers - 6/10. So deadly serious that it's hard to have fun.

Shit should be in a fucking medical journal.

Crank - 6.5/10. Has a hard time keeping up with the pace that is central to its plot, but it certainly is a lot of fun.

There is no sincerity like a woman telling a lie.

Indiscreet - 3/10. Ingrid Bergman didn't seem to have her heart into it. It seemed like it was going to have a point and something something I don't remember how it ends.


Marwencol - 6/10. It's an interesting reality to live in, and it does a fun job of exploring that particular reality, but it does a poor job of exploring the reality outside of it.

It was as if the last day, as people say in the Bible.

God Grew Tired Of Us - 7.5/10. The Lost Boys of Sudan come to America, find a world that's different from the world they know. Funny and sad in the same turn. Depressing and empowering as they realize what they can and can't do for themselves in relation to what they can and can't do for the people they left behind. The Burden Of What You Feel You Owe To People Who Are No Longer Like You.

Lots and lots of puberty.

Monster House. - 7.5/10. Goonies. Surprisingly dark and, despite the crude animation, very well-acted, with the characters' faces showing a great deal of subtlety.

Peace was never an option.

X-Men: First Class - 8/10. I loved the shit out of this, bros. Just stupid enough to counterbalance the parts where it takes itself seriously.

Help me to not tell lies.

The Tree Of Life - 6.5/10. Beautiful, and there's an entire hour and a half in the middle that's put together extraordinarily well and is extraordinarily moving, but it seems like a movie that wants to convince you it has a point, and I can't for the life of me figure out what that is. I'll give it a try: we've got problems and shit, and the universe ain't give a fuck. DINOSAURS.

Choosing not to believe in the devil doesn't protect you from him.

The Rite - 5.5/10. Shit, I can't even remember how this one goes. I like religious-themed horrors because there's an underlying theme of 'well, maybe…', but they lose me when that gray area becomes more solid. Atheism, bros. You feel me?

This is so awkward. I really want you to leave.

Bridesmaids - 8/10. Funny and moving. Kristen Wiig is game for most anything, which will make her, deservedly, a star. I greatly enjoy Apatow comedies, but they also leave me in no real mood to see them again. Maybe it's their length. Maybe it's the sadness that runs underneath a lot of them.

If everybody lies, then there's no reality.

Inside Deep Threat - 6.5/10. Great for the context it offers, which I was almost wholly unaware of, and everyone involved in the production of the movie are fascinating characters, but (and this is maybe because Lovelace is dead), the drama is never really ramped up. At times, almost, as in the old people's fear of gangsters, but they're just snippets.

You are an old man, and a fool!

Thor - 7/10. Overall very fun and worth your while, but comes with its share of faults. Taking place on two worlds means too many supporting characters to care about any but a couple of them. The costumes 'look stupid' on Earth, and the movie wisely makes fun of that, but I think it'd be a more 'legitimate' movie if they just didn't have shit look stupid. I don't care to write more. I'm tired. It's fun. Chris Hemsworth is a doll.

Gentlemen, do you think I'm a lowlife?

Brewster's Millions - 4/10. A snooze, bros.

Harvesting farts.

Paul - 3.5/10. So fucking earnest as to be impossible to watch at certain points. And then people die, unexpectedly and atonally. This movie is fucking weird. Also, boring. In being all over the place, it hardly manages to be interesting.

Do I dare, do I dare, do I dare?

William Kunstler: Disturbing The Universe – 9.5/10. I regret taking so long to write about this, because it's one of the best movies I've ever seen, and I had a lot to say about that. It's directed by the daughters of a famous civil rights-era lawyer who suddenly began defending less defensible clients, and it's from the perspective of the daughters trying to figure out what changed their father and it all builds into this incredible, incredible climax where he, dead, manages to sum up his entire life and make sense of most everything he's ever done in a public square, and makes you feel bad for not being as brave and makes you feel stupid for not realizing what bravery really is.

I hope the exit is joyful and I hope never to return.

Frida - 5/10. A collection of moments in some woman's life. Its brief forays into the abstract are interesting, and rarely as long as they should be.

Rick Rape.

Gamer - 6/10. It dials its stupid up to the point of absurdity, and it somehow becomes this incredibly fun movie to watch.

A boy, Dastan.

Prince of Persia - 6.5/10. Surprisingly fun. I don't have much to say. Jakey-poo keeps it alive. He's a decent amount of humor, charm, and athleticism. I can't remember the ending, but it was surprising in its choices, I think.

It's terrible. I love it. It's awful.

R.E.D. - 5/10. BACK-TO-BACK KARL URBAN. There's a lightness to everything, and everyone seems to be having a small amount of fun, but I don't know, man – I just ain't care. I'm going to blame it on someone thinking 'cute old people with guns' was all the work they had to do.


Pathfinder - 2/10. Things I Watch At Home With My Dad. Karl Urban has one of the oddest career trajectories of anyone I'm presently aware of.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Because you want to not,

because everyone else is.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Not that you like me.

That you are like me.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

People Talk About What They Do All Day

and How They Feel About What They Do.