Friday, October 31, 2008

Batman 3 casting rumors.

Citizen Kane.

Following the death of a publishing tycoon, news reporters scramble to discover the meaning of his final words: 'Who laid that stinky ass fart?'

Gonna start a restaurant called Pooters.

Gonna poot in yer food.

Helen Lewis

and Her All-Girl Jazz Syncopators.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

'King of the Hill' cancelled.

I thought I should be the one who tells you.

One less person

who has something to say.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Burned at the stake

for mistakes that have nothing to do with anything but being human.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Saturday, October 25, 2008

They'll get you at home just as well.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1939) - 6.5/10. Off-hand, I can't think of a deformed creature with a heart of gold who the audience hasn't fallen in love with, so maybe it's an easy answer to say that Charles Laughton is marvelous. I would believe he was found on the steps of the cathedral and lived there his whole life. He inhabits his role much more than the rest, who are all fronts for some sort of ideology. The problem with the movie, halfway through and the after-taste, is that it tries to stuff too many social ideas into too small a frame. It bogs the middle down with too much plot, and it leaves everyone happy except for our dear hero, and the note rings false because they didn't dig a big enough hole for any of them to bury themselves in or to climb out of.

Friday, October 24, 2008

why do black people

because white people

why do white people

because black people

Grew up,

but didn't forget.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Kiss Could Change Her Into a Monstrous Fang-and-Claw Killer.

Cat People (1942) - 6/10. For a 70-minute film, it's remarkably slow-paced. It pushes your patience and reasonable logic, as the leads are married for something like three months with Simone Simon refusing to kiss her husband for fear she'll turn into a monstrous fang-and-claw killer and shit, dog, that's a long damn time. For a second, that makes for an interesting theme about jumping in and marrying someone you can't fully know and how centuries-old superstitions can keep someone from taking a chance and eventually driving the other peson away, so it's sort of disappointing when it finally becomes a horror movie. But ignore that. The last twenty minutes goes from first to whatever-a-fast-gear is and Simone Simon switches from sweet to deadly literally by flicking on the light. The whole movie's less of a crescendo and more of a person tapping their toe and then banging pots together.

I live so close, I can feel you change your mind.

None But The Lonely Heart - 6/10. The excuses I'll make for the people I love. This was post-fame Cary Grant making a bid for 'I am a serious actor' and he did, in fact, get an Oscar nomination, if undeservedly. The plot throws a pile of 'being poor sucks' cliches into the mixer and doesn't bother to really follow-through with any of them, the final conclusion drawn being that, man, being poor sucks.

But the title is bangin', dog.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Everybody wants to be kissed. Even philosophers.

Funny Face - 6.5/10. It's hard to criticize the movie because it just seems to set up pieces that allow Fred Astaire and Audrey Hepburn to be on the screen together which, to be perfectly honest, I'm almost perfectly happy with, but there it is, that's all there is to it. A handful of numbers. Fred Astaire seems born under other people's eyes, everything he does with choreography, whistling the same tune in his head when he's just walking down a hallway. One of film's great crimes is giving Audrey Hepburn shit for not providing the singing voice to Eliza in 'My Fair Lady,' and here she's phlegmy but who gives a fuck, really, she's darling. The problem with the movie is they fall in love too soon, and if you were Fred Astaire and if you were Audrey Hepburn, I couldn't blame either one of you, but it comes out of nowhere and they end up not deserving each other's love because they didn't work for it (which is the fault with Brokeback Mountain, though by the end of that one, you end up believing it). And then they stay in love and there's manufactured drama and something, I don't know, whatever, they look cute on screen. It's hard to criticize the movie because it puts everything into what it's got and doesn't try for anything more and those handful of moments that it's got are the reason I love movies and that sort of shit.

Monday, October 20, 2008

I take not giving a shit

very seriously.

Guide to meeting girls:

1) Spot girl.
2) Go up to girl.
3) Ask her what her screenname is.

Pop phenomenon.

In The Mouth Of Madness - 7/10. Surprisingly creepy in spite of itself. More than anything, it speaks to what happens to good material when it's handled like the person making it doesn't have the sense to realize what he's got. A good story that's just sort of thrown-together. Yeah, we'll go with that shot, whatever. No, you did fine, let's move on. If they cared enough, it could have been great.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

When you ask Jesus into your heart,

how do you get him out again??

Saturday, October 18, 2008

With the rich and mighty, always a little patience.

The Sasquatch Gang - 5/10. Not funny, but inoffensive. Amiable.

Our Man Godfrey - 6/10. William Powell is delightful but pretty much ignored by everyone in the movie. Carole Lombard plays an early version of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, which people seem to think is a New Idea, and that's always annoying. Apparently, they fall in love? It's like the two halves of the movie weren't really talking to each other.

They wanna know why I'm so fly,

a girl asked me for a ring, I put one around her whole eye.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Destroying what anyone likes about you

for the sake of a melody.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Political humor.

Elections, please come soon.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Our hell

is a good life.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Saying lines

like my telepathy is off.


After they sunk his body and covered up their tracks, they thought of ways or means to lie about what they had done. They told their Pa that he had gone off into the woods by himself. That got old Ma to worrying, but not about some burying

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Less an expression of emotions,

than ideas.

The question is not whether I treat you rudely,

but whether you've ever heard me treat anyone else better.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The politics

of AOL chain letters.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Romantic comedies

are really something only Hollywood can do.

Friday, October 3, 2008

A little ruin.

Les Diaboliques - 7/10. Well done but I can't tell whether or not I saw it coming or if any surprises the movie had to offer have been sucked dry by everything that came after it, inspired by it.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Criss Angel with a beard.

Criss Angel without a beard.


That grey area

when you're not sure whether Criss Angel survived or not.

Eating lunch

for breakfast??

As quick as it come.

It gone.

Not aloof.