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Lucy - 2/5

Its movie nostalgia for ten years ago. Belongs on a double bill with ‘Swordfish.’ It’s talked-about dumbness isn’t the problem; the problem is that it’s not gleefully dumb. From smartness onwards, it gets all serious and shit. I would've preferred Chev Chelios tried some mind-expanding drugs. 

More spank and less Spock.

Punishment Park - 4/5

40-odd years old, and it could’ve been made yesterday. It’s a suburban cul de sac as war tribunal, and the people who hold church on Sunday aren’t the ones I want holding a scythe over my head. It’s wonderfully performed. The people in it aren’t great actors, per se, but they feel as real as anything you’d find in a genuine documentary. It wins the ‘Battle of Algiers’ award for being relevant for all eternity. 

My spoon is too big.

It’s Such A Beautiful Day - 4/5

Hertzfeldt’s great at tricking you into watching something meaningful. 

Genetically

pre-dispossessed.

She's not dumb.

She just has no interest in being smart.

Now no one will ever find me.

The Talented Mr. Ripley - 3.5/5

I really enjoyed this even though I can't really remember the details. I recall it being very sad.

You’re so sly, but so am I.

Manhunter - 3/5

Man, Michael Mann was really good at creating a certain mood. His movies look like how Tangerine Dream sounds. He makes very long music videos where the chords of a song create an emotional cue moreso than the look on someone’s face. Everything’s a shade of blue and played in stereo. 

Fiddly digits, itchy britches.

Frank - 3/5

I always feel like mental illness is a cop out in movies. I think that’s my failing. It always feels like a bad mystery movie. Why is this person this way? “Oh, just look at this x-ray.” Broken at birth, rather than broken for reasons we can relate to. It’s hard to understand – and so I suppose it’s why the main character found it hard to understand. omg I’m just like the main character!!! The movie is about my journey, not his!!! Well, then, all I’m left with is: the movie is at times a joy to watch and Fassbender is great and I’m not sure what its larger purpose is. Let things be what they are? Okay, I’ll buy it. 

If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.

Steel Magnolias - 3/5

Three out of the six womens are wonderful and I’d like to see them every week on my local NBC affiliate. Unfortunately, the movie is centered around the one person we care least about. The Lance Bass. The Howie Dorough. The Julia Roberts. The Boring One. There’s a very emotional and impassioned speech at the end. Good go, Sally Fields.

Your big brother that’s marrying your mother.

Monsters University - 3/5

Unnecessary and very, very likeable. More so than its predecessor. I think it was wise to take the weight off of John Goodman’s confident and boring character and replace it with Billy Crystal’s neuroses. More words more words more words more words.

I have a hard time picturing her enjoying loneliness.

Nymphomaniac (Director’s Cut) - 4/5

It’s a very quiet and deliberate movie where two very different people trade stories that alternate between graphic sex and read-alongs of Wikipedia entries.  It’s surprising in how casual it tells its tale – there’s no rush to a conclusion, it never gets beyond a certain pace. The bodies feel factual more than erotic. It gets graphic – very graphic – but I think for a reason: to convince us she’s evil. In this, I think the movie acts as a bit of a cultural prudish-ness test – oh, you can handle this? Well, what if we took it a little further… Trying to force you to find something to be offended by. But it’s not evil. The bodies aren’t evil, the sex isn’t evil – love is the evil thing. Sex is natural while “love distorts things.” Love takes people away. She’s proud of what she does, but not what it leads to. So she becomes in the end an addict in reverse – someone who doesn’t demand to have, but who demands not to have. 

You in danger, girl.

Ghost - 3.5/5

I meant to write a lot of stuff after I watched this that talked about how Patrick Swayze was the birth of the feminine male that masculine males admired – he was not a man who dances, but a dancer – but I forgot most of my talking points. Anywayze, Swayze rules. This movie also makes me understand Demi Moore’s appeal in the opposite – the masculine female that other females admire. Strong-willed but always on the verge of tears. They’re both great identities, and I’m not sure their place has been taken by someone since. 

Only unfulfilled love can be romantic.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona - 3/5

I haven’t seen a great number of Woody Allen movies, but there’s a clear line that you can draw through this, ‘Annie Hall,’ and ‘Manhattan’ – the ‘popular ones.’ I don’t know if he makes the same movies over and over, but the theme that people seem to respond to is the ‘chronic dissatisfaction,’ as this movie puts it, of… anyone? Lovers? New Yorkers? Woody Allen? I don’t know. The erotification of ‘the other’ – other women or men, typically, but another locale and temperament in this case. Always wanting more than what you have. ‘Demanding more from the sunset,’ as ‘Nymphomaniac’ puts it. Demanding what?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s got 2 Chainz in it.

Dear White People - 3.5/5

I admire that they’ve created a TBS New Classic version of ‘Do The Right Thing.’ A movie legitimately about race – how are you supposed to be when everyone’s telling you how you’re supposed to be? – that has the same watchability as ‘She’s All That.’ Easy, accessible, and difficult (though not in the way that ‘Do The Right Thing’ is difficult, mind). I like the idea that someone can accidentally sit down to watch an uninvolved teen movie and be drawn into an exploration of race politics. I am enchanted by that idea.

No respect for personal boundaries.

Tarzan - 1.5/5

Welcome to a very expensive Phil Collins concept album. Rosie O’Donnell is the worst mistake culture has ever made. Tarzan is drawn very well.