I know exactly who you are.

Maestro – 2/5 

I didn't care about Leonard Bernstein going in and this movie didn't raise my temperature on this notion. He's not that interesting except for how long his Wikipedia is. He did a lot? I wouldn't know from the movie, which is stuck on a not particularly compelling relationship. Famous man a jerk, more at 11. Bradley Cooper is capital-A Acting, he's an Act-or, he is acting, my dear boy, and he may or may not be a good mimic, how the fuck would I know, but even if he got him perfect, it still comes across as corny. He's playing the truth when he's supposed to be playing along with the music. It's got to all fit together. He's not conducting an orchestra; he's solo-ing. It's a movie built for acting awards. Look at him, look at how he lights up a room. But he does look good. We are in a golden age of on-screen old-age makeup.