God's perfect idiot.

Deadpool & Wolverine — 3.5/5

I think Ryan Reynolds' greatest weakness is an unlimited supply of money. Money means you don't need to draw straight lines. Money means you can explore every idea in your head, with no need to dot a linear path between them. I enjoyed this movie, but I can't deny that it is filled with excess. Every idea in here feels like he did it because he could get away with it. As such, it starts to feel like Fan Service: The Movie. And listen, I'm a fucking fan, so some of this shit was a cupid's arrow into my heart. But a lot of it feels like an easy cheer for an easy audience. Why is he dancing to N'Sync's 'Bye Bye Bye' within a fight scene aside from the fact that he could afford it? And it's unfortunate, because there's so much fun to be had here! Cassandra Nova is a genuinely great villain!! The performance surprising enough to make me an Emma Corrin fan for life. She carries psycho with a smile (similar to but different from Antony Starr as Homelander in 'The Boys'). A few rewrites and they could have made her the focus rather than the 40m of excess deviations that led us to her. TVA is narrative bloat, English Tom Wambsgans never really takes off, the Avengers interview is just... off.  I appreciate Ryan Reynolds infusing each of these Deadpool movies with an emotional core, but this one felt wasteful, thrown aside, disconnected. It had to rely on Laura because Vanessa didn't really have a purpose here. I think Ryan Reynolds always comes across with an air of desperation to everything he does ("please like me!!"), and I think that desperation is actually his greatest strength. In Deadpool 1, there was a desperation to succeed within guidelines of a limited supply of money and support, and he blew it out of the water. He earned the right to not have a master telling him what to do. But, I think for these movies to continue to succeed, he needs to figure out how to give himself a boss.

I guess it really is the year that it is.

Dicks: The Musical — 3.5/5

There's a strong whiff of 'The State' that surrounds this. I've missed that smell!! There's an offhanded vibe to the whole thing; seemingly lazy but more in the spirit of "that take made us laugh so we'll use it." It's not belabored. It was cobbled together with trust in its own vision. It's good old-fashioned nonsense.

Love is only love,

but it's the best of what we've got.

— a mishearing of Chris Stamey's 'The Summer Sun'

I don't want to set the world on fire.

Fallout S1 — 3/5

Another tricky one, insofar as I enjoyed it (quelle horreur), but I just keep wanting to poke at the things I don't like about it. It looks cheap. Characters do stupid things. It can't seem to keep a hold on its tone. And the thing that seems to supersede all of those things is genuinely interesting mysteries within a world that feels new. It's a retro Revelations! A Funko Pop apocalypse. 1950s but modern; the glory days of television and advertising and mid-century architecture meet the inevitable end goal of twenty-first century shareholder capitalism. We'll sell you your own destruction, and you'll gladly buy in—at a steal! Fun world, fun designs, and satisfying answers to its many questions. The show succeeds because it captures that feeling of 'Lost.' A new world within our old world, and mysteries around every corner. And so far, there seem to be satisfying answers to those mysteries, which puts it leagues ahead of 'Lost.' But also, the main characters, Lucy and certain Vault-dwellers aside, don't have the chemistry of basically anyone from the cast of 'Lost.' So, in other ways, not yet setting the world on fire.

There were nights when the wind was so cold.

I Am: Celine Dion — 3/5

This is an interesting one. It's a great documentary subject because Celine Dion has no problem being incredibly vulnerable. She is herself, she is surrounded by a beautiful life and says things that are surprisingly sad, and we see an uncomfortable amount of her in the throes of her illness. But it also feels like it's missing some meat to build around her. And that meat may be "joy." It's not really about her life or her relations... which I mostly don't mind! Fuck a Wikipedia documentary! The documentary assumes we already know her, so it doesn't feel the need to explain her. But, I mean, I'd like a little bit more of the forces that created her, if only to get a sense of the joy it brought her life. I don't get the sense that her early life was filled with struggle, and maybe that creates the illusion that it's not interesting. But we need the build. She clearly loves who she is, but the movie's focus is on what she's losing: her voice, her bigness. It's less "I Am Celine Dion" and more "I Am No Longer Celine Dion." It's not a movie that builds up to an apex, and descends; it's all descent. And I think that fits the criticisms about her music. It's all bigness, but bigness isn't wholeness. We need the small things to build up to the bigness. And that's the thing about her—she can still sing, just not the degree that she could. I think as she gets older, as she separates what she is now capable of with the idea that people have in their head of her, I think she can still thrive. I don't think she yet realizes that you don't have to sing big to sing beautiful.

This is what you wanted, right?

The Bear S3 — 4/5

Well doesn't everyone just seem to dislike this wonderful season of television. It has no plot, they plead. It goes nowhere, they decry. I'm sorry, I must disagree with you. I think 'The Bear' is a perfect complement to 'Ted Lasso.' Both shows are essentially 'what does it take to be a good manager?' Carmy carries the trauma of his past and repeats it on those below him. Ted pushes against his trauma (to the point of not dealing with it) and tries to make everyone better. Carmy pushes and pulls. Ted lifts. And beyond being a good manager, it's to the core of what that role is supposed to do—is the goal to win, or is the goal to create an environment where everyone can succeed? What does it take to be great? I bring this up because I think The Bear's missteps in Season 2 were that it was threatening to become 'Ted Lasso.' Despite a few standout episodes, that whole season felt very 'rah rah, we can all do it... together!!!' which did not really fit the vibe of a culture that communicates through yelling, and a culture that wants to win a Michelin star. Everyone has a place; all are valued; no one gets fired. It was all very heartwarming—and out of place. And I think this season forgives that season by creating a terrific comedown from that high. These ten episodes are the fallout of one bad night (and a less-than-spectacular life). There was a vision, and this is how it falls apart. The team is scattered, with different goals. Syd wants to see her fingerprints in the work. Marcus wants to disappear in his work. Tina wants a job that can feed her family. Richie wants a family. Carmy has no idea what he wants. Or he does, but he keeps forgetting. That is the weight of trauma. You're always drowning. Everything around you is inky, black water, and you can't hold onto anything long enough to pull yourself out. And the answer, of course, is each other! Rah, rah, we can all do it... together!! But, despite everyone continuing to shout 'hands!', they have such difficulty figuring out how to offer it to each other. That's the beauty of death, or birth. It brings people together. It brings people back. These two cosmic acts help us to forgive all transgressions, and reminds us that "every second counts" applies to everything outside of the food as well. And it's all wasted until we can learn how to articulate our problems, and apologize properly.

"No plot." "Nothing happened." My friend, all of that stuff happened this season. Everything fell apart.

High school was rough.

The Fandom: A Furry Documentary — 3/5

Thanks to an excess of archival footage, an excellent history of how it all began. I think it less succeeds in explaining what it's become. It wants to paint a heartwarming picture of awkward people who've found themselves and found each other—and it does! Successfully! But it hints at troubles, which are the things I want to google after the whole thing's over. This whole world looks like a Disney amusement park, but one filled with a sizable amount of sex and sexuality and erotica! The documentary openly talks about pushing that to the side, but in doing so, it just makes that feel like a curtain I want to peek behind. It mostly explores a family-friendly side of the fandom but, man—what's behind that door?

Say less.

Top Boy S5 — 1.5/5

Out with a whimper. As with last season, the show decided to focus on its top two boys despite both of them being the least interesting thing about the show. And now they face made up drama after made up drama, adding layers all around them, none of which add anything to the final, thankful end. Overall—I'm glad it wasn't a Scorsese 'people get punished in the end but boy isn't being a criminal fun!!!' Throughout, drug dealing seems like an awful trade full of awful people. Were I ever to run an anti-drug campaign, I'd just speak to the economics of it all. High-risk, low yield, except for the people at top who constantly have a target on their back. Like the show at its worst—it's no fun.

Cartoons don't pretend to be real.

The Fall Guy — 4/5

Man, I just don't understand this world. This was charming as shit. I could watch Emily Blunt and Ryan Gosling talk to each other on the phone for hours. It's that Nick and Nora shit. That Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn shit. The magic of two people who were born to be together. Chemistry. Emily Blunt and Ryan Gosling are the last of that Old Hollywood feeling. Light on their feet. Tap dancing through their difficulties. A wink and a smile and all is forgiven. I guess it's not a feeling people are much interested in anymore? shrug