ANNOUNCEMENT!

Did poet, author, roving Waffletown Historian, blogroll participant *JAY SIFL* co-write the concept for this metal band's video that appeared on this passing week's The Headbanger's Ball on your, yes, your MTV??

Click to see!!

YES!!

Every morning, the same.

J. Mascis,

I understand your continuing need to make music, but you're old and fat now.

"Why'd I stick my penis up it?"

- Eminem, in his love song for his daughter, Hailie.

I just like the way

these words look on a page.

The past month.

Food poisoning.
A bolt in my tire.
Slept in bed with a gay man.
Tire burst at 70 mph on the interstate with five people in the car.
Laptop stolen.
Phone fell in the river.
Sick for the first time in two years.
Sam's Club membership expired.

Otherwise, things are going well.

Ask me about my gun.

Ask me about my gun.

Bear traps on freecycle.

Were asked to be removed by moderators browsing the forum. They offered to come pick up the metal themselves and, if exchanged for money, they would donate it to an animal rescue organization.

On 1, I understand and respect their decision.

On 2, I'm down five steel leg trappings.

I have no intention

of saying anything important.

Local awards

for student ads.

I can't remember any of the jokes.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall - 6.5/10. It is a genuinely enjoyable movie, and you know there ain't no motherfucker laugh like I do, but the seams are starting to show. The jokes seem part of that whole style of joke, the movie is paced and plotted shoddily, and it takes an easy and predictable way out. This movie, and all dem other movies, are at their best when the characters are just shooting the shit and it doesn't seem so scripted, but i got more of the latter in this one. Not knocking it, I really do recommend seeing it, I've just got to maintain an objective outlook or my integrity as a guy who reviews movies on the internet, nay - a citizen - means nothing.

There's nothing like spending a hot day out in the sun

and coming home to a can of 'Dew.

What I want to thank you the most for

is just being there.

Things I've lost to The River:

My favorite sandals.
A decent pair of flip-flops.
My glasses.
These strings I used to put around my fingers because I thought they looked cool.
My cousin.
My phone.

Me and my bro and sis at our annual retreat.

Just need to let some steam out.

I'm looking at you, Dave Eggers.

Persepolis - 7.5/10. The first half of the movie had me going, 8.5, best movie of last year. Young kid who can't grasp the enormity of her situation. Some shit about being a false prophet, I don't know. But then it does that thing that I fucking hate, I absolutely fucking hate about memoirs in that it has to be linear, it has to be truthful, and storylines are lost (the false prophet thing) and characters come out of nowhere and shit happens that have no real bearing on other, more important shit and then the author just ends up being a narcissistic shitbag who thinks their life is worth reading about. It becomes about the person rather than about an idea and the idea the first half of the movie was about was so so so much better.

I enjoyed the entire movie.

I'm just trying to prove how smart i am.

Video nasty.

Cannibal Holocaust - 5.5/10. Deodato points the camera not at the gruesome violence but instead at us, as if to say, plaintively - it's almost like we're the real cannibals.

You know?

Guys?

Hello?

Somebody's got to be with me on this.

Guys?

If it isn't,

then it must be rock and roll.

Nerf War at a playground in the dark.

Jesus fucking christ.

Hug count:

7

Hug count:

6

Leatherheads.

I'm sorry. You were not what I wanted you to be.

2/10.

Lost my laptop.

Hug count: 5

We cannot overturn the whole scheme to accomodate the buzzard.

The Adventures of Mark Twain - 6/10. I can't tell if Mark Twain just reads better than is spoken or if the tone of the movie is just all wrong. Things sound more flippant and throw-away here than they do on the page. I would've liked for the stories that intermixed the main story to have said more about Twain and who he was and why he's doing what he's doing, and they do to an extent, but not enough to matter. As it is, it's Willy Wonka-like in that it's a thrown-together story that's just an excuse to have a bunch of really great lines said together, but it lacks the fun and imagination of that movie.

If history is any indication.

The cutest presidential candidate always wins.

Vigo the Carpathian up there was a mistake.

This only applies to televised presidential races.